The Magic Of New Beginnings
It is no secret that I have been MIA for a while... forgive me? The past six months have contained some of my greatest triumphs and darkest days to date. I have made a decision to be vulnerable and share my highs and lows in hopes that my lessons can help you find strength in your life. So, without further adieu let's dive in...
~ pause for dramatic effect~
In April 2017 I went through a major breakup. I'm talking two dogs, great apartment and thought "OMG this is it!" kind of deal. A few weeks after we had finalized our departure from each other and he had vacated our apartment I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor. Although everything was still intact and the photos hung on the walls all the love had left. It felt empty and I finally began to realize that I was alone.
Pulling deeper I knew that I had been at a point in my life of full complacency for some time. I was mildly happy with my job, I rarely felt energized enough to explore new friendships and after I had dropped competing I really lacked passion for anything in my life. It was as though I had been just existing for some time, merely going through the robotic motions of my life.
A while back I caught glimpses of my stagnation and wondered what was next for me? l never seemed to gain the audacity to put actions behind my thoughts. I told myself some bullshit story that things would eventually work out on their own. I had fallen into a routine of going to work, binge watching Netflix any chance I could, googling new career ideas and hopelessly dragging my feet around our apartment. (It still amazes me I could maintain a relationship during this time.)
I had reached a point where it felt impossible to continue moving forward in the life I had been living without him. I decided I would temporarily move home... yes girl by home I mean, HOME. Home with my parents. My 26 year old self sat on the curb outside our apartment with the contents of my life in garbage bags waiting for my dad to pick me up. (I couldn't even get it together to find moving boxes)
It is no secret the breakup had crippled me but there was something much deeper happening. I was beginning to realize that I had lost more then the love of my life, I had lost myself somewhere along the way. I had been using the love I was receiving in the relationship as validation for personal happiness, self confidence and purpose in my life.
The next few months my life went something like this... Showering infrequently, eating ice cream, not working (never working out) and hiding under the covers in my childhood room.
At some point my pity party came to an end and I found the strength to dust myself off and get my life together. I felt that I needed a fresh start, a chance to reinvent my life so naturally a change in city was my next step. I chose to move to (Drumroll...) the very exciting (pause for eye roll) Ottawa Ontario. Just close enough to my family yet big enough to be somewhat stimulated as I picked up the lost pieces of my life.
A few months had now passed since the pathetic basement era of my life. I found myself standing in Home Sense looking at items to furnish my new apartment with. The possibilities were endless... What would the vibe of each room be? Would I have a sectional or a love seat? I realized that redecorating my apartment wasn't the only task at hand, I was also metaphorically given an opportunity to redecorate my life.
From that moment forward I made a commitment with myself that I would open my world to new experiences, opportunities and infinite possibilities. Sometimes you truly need to hit rock bottom to rebuild your life. Rock bottom may not mean starting from scratch like I did, maybe it is just making small impactful changes to steer your life in the direction you want to go.
Sometimes it might feel easier to stay where you are at, change is overwhelming after all. I can tell you first hand that on the other side of change is possibility and there is so much wonder in that isn't there?
Since that day I have:
- Found the perfect apartment
- Started Mama Mobile, a business lucrative enough to support myself (www.mamamobilemassage.com)
- Made new friends
- Started hip hop to teach my uncoordinated self some freakin' moves
- Began writing a book (my lifelong dream)
This didn't at all happen overnight. It took an accumulation of very small calculated steps, faith, self confidence and the perseverance not to give up until I was proud.
Good things began to happen when I started to (as cliché as it sounds) go for it. The outcome of the small steps I took each day served as reminders of my potential. When I started to believe in myself again I felt happy. The best part of all of this was that I didn't feel happy because someone else made me feel that way. I felt happy because I had fallen in love with myself again or maybe even for the first time ever.
So honey, It's okay to get down for a little while... In fact you will find a lot of strength there. Just promise me you will never allow yourself to exist there for too long. Remember that in any situation or facet of your life that you are never stuck.
If you are feeling complacent wake up and begin making small steps each day that will in turn begin to change your life. Now, hold on tight and trust in the magic of new beginnings.